Updated: Apr 6, 2022
POP THA CORK IT’S NEW YEAR’S EVE! We talk about where the concept of masturbation as a sin came from and release the notion that loving yourself is a bad thing. Let the fireworks explode and celebrate the body God gave you because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Yass, Jesus! is hosted by Danny Franzese and Azariah Southworth. Our producers are Ross Murray and Meredith Paulley. Sound, music, and post-production by Chris Heckman. Special thanks to Sophie Serrano and Sam Isfan.
Yass, Jesus! is brought to you by Audity. Audity execs are Ryann Lauckner, Steve Michaels, and Jessica Bustillos.
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Daniel: [00:00:00] Hello Kings and Queens and in betweens, sinner saints, and I don't know if I is or if I aint. Welcome to another ball dropping episode of Yass Jesus! I'm Daniel Franzese and as always I'm here here with my low balled bestie...
Azariah: Call me red-handed Azariah Southworth.
Daniel: Why are they red? Here at Yass Jesus, we believe
Azariah: self pleasure is a a gift from God.
Daniel: Oh that's why it's red.
Azariah: Let's celibate. Wait. That's not right. Celebrate.
Daniel: oh yeah. not celibate, celebrate... by yourself. Dare say a celebration.
Azariah: celebrate by yourself, honey.
Daniel: Celebrate. Good times. Come on. Now, get ready to set your own fireworks off this new year's Eve. Right after we go to gay Christian news.
Azariah: The canadian online magazine extra did an article titled 'queer missionary kids need a community to call their own'.
Daniel: Oh yeah. Won't anyone think of the children, the queer [00:01:00] children of missionaries that is.
Azariah: First the article sort of states the obvious. Homophobia and transphobia have historically been recurring themes in the world of overseas Christian ministry.
Daniel: Uh, duh, you think?
Azariah: Right. They include a few examples. Several indigenous groups in Sub-Saharan Africa had progressive views on sexuality and gender identity prior to the arrival of Christianity in the region.
Daniel: Oh, you don't say Christianity, Christianity muddled, their thoughts on sexuality and gender. That's a new way to go about it.
Azariah: Right. They tell the story of a king of what is today, Uganda. He was a bisexual man who ruled undisturbed before being exiled by early Christian missionaries.
Daniel: Hold on. I'm gonna stop you right there. There, there was a king of Uganda who is bisexual and undisturbed. And ruled peacefully and happily until Christian missionaries came into Uganda.[00:02:00] I really didn't know that that's like unbelievable, but continue sorry.
Azariah: Yes. And today Uganda has some of the worst brutal anti LGBTQ criminalization laws. In fact, Uganda, I believe was a few years ago, at least 97% reported that they identified as Christians and, in 2010 around that timeframe, they, uh, there were three Christian missionaries that went to Uganda, held a conference called the anti homosexuality conference, something along those lines and a lawmaker was there. And that, that conference by three American evangelical missionaries inspired a bill which was dubbed ' kill the gays' bill because they were attempting to put into law the death penalty for same sex action.
Daniel: If we, if when we are in heaven, like hypothetically, and when we're in hypothetical heaven, [00:03:00] if there's some sort of like, ampitheater like you get where I'm going? Or like movie theater where we could watch some of these people just have to answer to God. I don't even need them to be punished. I just want them to squirm.
Azariah: It's like the ultimate untucked episode.
Daniel: I was just gonna say it would be better than RuPaul's drag race. Like, I can't think of anything I wanna watch more than three missionaries trying to explain to God why, why they exiled a bisexual king in order to create the kill the gays bill in Uganda. I, I just need, I just need to watch that. Like, it's better than anything ryan Murphy can cook up. I don't even need abs. I just want that. I need the drama.
Azariah: And I wanna see Jesus say to them oops...
Daniel: Couldn't Jesus be like 'oops, what parts of love my neighbor did you not understand?
Daniel: Um, and, and by the way, like white missionaries just need to stay out of Africa just period. Like nothing good has ever come from [00:04:00] that. So let's just so we're, we're not alone. Um, but, ugh go ahead. Continue. I can't even with this.
Azariah: But then we pivot to the kids whose family lives in some of the most anti LGBTQ places in the world. And also have parents who are supported by some of the most anti LGBTQ churches in the United States.
Daniel: Yeah. So frustrating.
Azariah: One queer missionary kid states 'it's harder to come out as a missionary kid or as a pastor's kid,' johnson says because you have this expectation to follow in your family's footsteps or in the Lord's footsteps.
Daniel: Ugh, the article tells a story of one former missionary kid who started a Facebook group for the queer and ally alumni from her missionary high school. 'It was so encouraging to me,' she says to see missionary kids ranging from all generations and hailing from every corner of the world.
So, that is a praise report. I mean, there's always some silver lining. I mean, that is a horrible, uh, situation to be in, but at least, you know, they have been able to find some community. [00:05:00]
Azariah: Yeah, the article is longer than we can outline here, but we will share the link in our show notes. And there's a great comedian that you should all check out. He's a friend of, Danny's, a friend of the podcast, Matt LeGrand. He was, uh, a missionaries kid. So if any other missionary kids are out there and you want some good comedy, Matt Legrand... uh, I think he's done some stuff about growing up as a missionaries kid.
Daniel: Oh, there's tons of stuff of him growing up, um, as a, a missionary. But he also, uh, he really goes there.
He's a great comedian though.
Azariah: You guys, this brings us to our praise report and prayer request section of our show. This is where if you have a little something you wanna hallelujah about, we'll make use of our megaphone here on the podcast, uh, to help praise the Lord. But if you have something that you need a little more help or some oomph in your prayer and you wanna add it to everyone else's prayer lists. We're here for you too, okay? So I know that I've been out a bit lately from the show, but I wanna thank you all who [00:06:00] submitted praise and prayer while I was gone, because believe me, I am hearing all of those and I'm keeping all of you in my prayers and I'm also praising.
She's she's a busy one, but she's still on her knees praying for you, honey.
Daniel: I did not forget. Miguel, all your other ones. I'm listening. I'm here. I know you were there, I'm here.
Azariah: All right. Well, we have a praise report and this one is from Richie. Richie says, 'I know this is frivolous compared to what other folks might be praising. We went way from home for three weeks in November. We spent a lot of time with family through Thanksgiving. And I love my plants at home, but no one was around to check on them and water them. I researched and found out that you could run a string from a jar of water into the plant and the water would travel along the string and slowly water plant.'
I love this. This is fascinating.
Daniel: I'm really into this. I'm really into this. Keep going.
Azariah: 'Before we left, I spent two weeks experimenting and practicing.[00:07:00] I finally got the right thickness of string. The right positioning of the jar, stuff like that. When we left, I made sure I could see the plants on our security cameras.
Daniel: Oh my God. Richie you're freaking adorable. Keep going.
Azariah: 'And for the first week it looked great, but midway through the second week, they started to droop. And by the third week they looked really bad. When we got home, the plants were yellow and flat, pretty dead. I gave them some water and some love, a little positive encouragement, maybe and within a week, Within a week, a miracle occurred. both plants came back to life in Jesus name.' It's a plant-based resurrection, honey.
Daniel: What a great story for the new year, since we're all turning over a new leaf. Look, this is awesome. Uh, that's such a good, you know, uh, my mom always says when she's talking about love and relationship, that they're [00:08:00] like plants, and she said to me one time where there's green there's life. So you don't give up if there's green in, in, in, in a plant or in a, in a relationship or in some kind of love there's life, if you really want to put the work and then the effort in, but Richie did it.
Azariah: I'll take it even a step further. You know, sometimes there's no greenery, there's just the stem and it looks like the plant's dead, but you just gotta, you gotta peel back the layer a little bit, just to see if it's still green on the inside. If it's still a little bit watery on the inside...
Daniel: it's true. It's true. I mean, we could really get into this. We could do a whole, maybe we should do a whole nother episode about this one time Ross, but I tell you there's a lot of metaphors that can go into that. It's like, you know, you could learn persistence from grass and patience from seeds, and there's so much stuff out there, uh, in nature that is akin to God. And look, you really cared and you put the effort in, and that is a praise. I love the idea of a praise report about bringing up plant back to life. Because to me, there's nothing too small to praise God about, I think, especially, you know, when it comes. Something that's living that you care about. So Richie awesome for you to find, to [00:09:00] think of that, to send to us, because when you were in the middle part about the testing, the strings, I was riveted, girl. I was right there. I was like, what's gonna happen? Uh, but, uh, thank you God, for a plant saved. Now our prayer request. Okay. This comes from a musician and, and a friend of the freaking deacon, Ross Murray. We sometimes play songs on the show at the end. Okay. And soon we'll play this song, but first a prayer request and a request for action. So here's, here's the note. 'Hi, my name's Rachel Kurtz. I'm a late blooming queer singer songwriter and single mom of three from Minneapolis.
Azariah: I know her she's so good.
Daniel: Oh, and she's asking for some help. 'I wrote a song called gay kids. It's a song built from love. It was sung with all the love in my body, which is a whole heck of a lot of love. And there's so many sad stories of rejection and confusion and hurt in the LGBTQ+ family. There's so many parents who say yes, yes, yes, I love you without hesitation when their [00:10:00] kids come out and this song is for all the kids and adults who are celebrated. And for those who are only tolerated or rejected or misgendered. Just for this song, if you want, I'll be your mom and I'll love you so dang much. And I'm so excited to release this song to the world. I wanna release it with a music video. I wanna show the world what love looks like and all sorts of gay joy.'
Heard of it? This is where you come in. I need video clips of you dancing with your whole heart. Please film a one minute clip and we will find the magic. Dance with your friends, your kids, your parents, or by yourself, send it to all your queer friends if they wanna dance as well. And you could visit for more details if you wanna get involved in this project. We're building a community here at Yass Jesus and this is part of that community outreach. So we're asking if you'd like to be a part of this music video, we're putting up a bulletin board in our community coffee shop. So you just have, have to visit rachelkurtz.com/u-are-in. And what that is is R a C H E L k U R [00:11:00] tz.com/u-a R E - I N. So thank you in advance. She says she's beyond excited. Can you feel the excitement? I feel the excitement, Azzie. If you would like to join into this really incredible project, uh, check that out. We'll make sure to have that information in the liner notes of the show as well.
Azariah: Yes listeners, if you have not heard of Rachel Kurtz yet. Oh, she is gonna blow you away... her vocals, her talent. She's got it all. So join in. That is... i, that I love that. That's great.
Daniel: And I'm excited too and you know what I'm excited for also? The scripture of the day, we're gonna come right back with that right after this.
Hey, Azzie it's time for the scripture of the day, scripture of the day. Scripture of the day it's soul food. That's right. Let's hear it, azzie.
Azariah: All right. This one's added a, just, uh, ever so lightly, um, to fit the theme of our show this week, so...
Daniel: okay, so it's a little bit of a remix.
Azariah: Little bit of a remix.
Daniel: A mashup, if you will.
Azariah: Matthew chapter six, three and four. 'do not [00:12:00] let your left hand know what your right hand is doing and your father who seasons in secret will reward you.'
Daniel: That's a spicy edit. like, wow. Okay. We're going with that. I like it. Let's get right into the meat and potatoes of today's episode here. And we're gonna talk about this even further with the gospel. So happy new year, y'all. Can you believe that it's, that, that we are nearly in 2022? I'm still emotionally in 2020. I think the last two years don't really count.
Azariah: Well, I'm still emotionally in 1991 when I first saw Nicodemus on the gospel bill shows.
Daniel: Oh, that makes a lot of sense why you're sweating.
Azariah: It also makes sense why I'm wearing a Betty boob sweater from 1992.
Daniel: Yes definitely. This episode came from a question that we got from a listener and, you know, as we talked about it, it seemed like the perfect theme for a new year.
Azariah: Yes, our listener, Ethan wrote with a question that was so great we wanted to make a whole episode about it. So listen to what Ethan wrote. 'Although I know being gay is okay, for whatever reason, [00:13:00] I can't get past sex slash masturbation. Is it really wrong? I feel the worst after I do something sex related because it is lust. Can you help help?'
Daniel: Oh, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan.
Azariah: Mm-hmm what a way to ring in the new year. Am I right? So let's end 2021 with a good old fashion talk about sex and masturbation.
Let's put a let's let's pull in a few things, okay? So we can start 2022 out with a bang.
And drop balls. Drop all our balls.
Okay. So we just wanna mention one thing. There is a difference between feeling guilty about sex and sex stuff and just not being interested in sex at all. If sex isn't fulfilling, then you shouldn't do it out of sense of obligation. So within our big broad LGBTQ+ community, there are people who are asexual or aromantic, and that's what the a and the acronym means. [00:14:00] And just between church mice, God should have given my alphabet soup and extra teaspoon of the a. Asexual is just that the absence of sexual attraction. Asexual people sometimes just want the companionship or even romance, but just don't have an interest in sex. Then there is aromantic someone who doesn't feel romantic attractions, maybe they do like sex or like friendship, but doesn't want that romantic feeling. So it's sort of important to remember that sex and romance are actually different things. They can go together, but often they don't.
Daniel: No. If you think that sex is an inherent part of being gay, that's not the case. You are gay because God just put a little sprinkle of fabulousness in you, something that makes you unique and special. So here's one thing about sex and masturbation- you control when you do it and how often you do it and how you do it. It's all up to you. So there's no [00:15:00] sexo meter that's like keeping track. You can be fabulously, gay, and never touch yourself in your dangly bits, or even touch someone else's in theirs.
Azariah: In addition to asexual and aromantic people, there are what are sometimes called side B queer Christians. I don't know them. I'm joking. these are folks who believe they are called to celibacy. And so they refrain.
Daniel: Look, all gay Christian drag is valid, right? but side but side B is the backside, ain't it though. Oh well.
Azariah: So Ethan, you beautiful sexual human being. We've given you a few options. Asexual, aromantic, side B hole. You know, gay, but not interested in sex or queer, just because, you know, the Lord made you just a little extra special.
Daniel: See, but I don't think that's what Ethan is saying. I think Ethan is saying he likes to masturbate, but then as soon as it's over, he is feeling guilt about it. So let's talk more about masturbation since you brought that, Ethan you 'bater. [00:16:00] Once it's brought up, sometimes when it's up, you just gotta do something about it. Okay. Honestly, so that's when you get a Hanker in for a spanker, mm-hmm.
Azariah: Okay. This is what we call a hands on situation. And I'm feeling the urge to talk about the ins and outs of masturbation.
Daniel: Well, you just keep edging us, just get to in man.
Azariah: You know, despite having the demon of masturbation exercised out of me numerous occasions...
Daniel: and that was just Friday.
Azariah: That was just a Friday. I believe masturbation comes to us from the two tree of wisdom because it actually lets you know, what you like, what turns you on, and it's also the safest form of sexual activity.
Daniel: You know, I don't want to quote Woody Allen cuz he's problematic. But um, he did say 'don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love.' That line's from Annie hall, but right. Look, there's no chance of catching STDs, no emotional flac, no judgment. It's up to you [00:17:00] in a loving and caring and enjoying the body that God gave you. Like if you can't get yourself off, how the hell you gonna get off somebody else gonna. Can I get an Amen?.
Daniel: I mean, it's really a good way to find out what you like and what your partner likes. Just explore yourself, you know, and I don't think that there's much sin involved in that.
Azariah: No. And everybody. And I said, everybody is unique. God created each of us individually. It's not just our fingerprints that are different. It's everything, honey.
Daniel: That's what I wanna see them all. I keep trying to see them all.
Azariah: I know, right? I wanna, I wanna know all of God's unique creation. it's it's so it's our nerves, which are more sensitive in some parts than others, so that we feel... what we feel is different with everyone. And we only learned that by exploring the body that God gave us and things to make note of. [00:18:00] Where are you sensitive? Ethan, I'm talking to you. Where are you? Ticklish? What movements or actions send waves of pleasure through you?
Daniel: Azariah, I need to see your hands on the zoom. Show me your hands on the zoom.
Azariah: they're busy right now. I'm sorry. I can't come to the zoom right now.
Daniel: None of this stuff is an accident okay? This is all a part of God's creation. You're part of God's creation. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Azariah: Yeah, somewhere in our church history, we got this idea that the body is bad and only the spirit is good. And there are a lot of scripture passages that talk about the flesh, the flesh, referring to human desires, of course. But sometimes later there became this idea, uh, that our spirits were somehow separate from our bodies. But the reality is that God created our body and our spirit.
Daniel: There is a Bible story that gets cited as the [00:19:00] reason God doesn't like masturbation. We've talked about it before in the show, but it's worthwhile to bring up again the story of Onan and Tamar, okay? Now what you likely heard was that Onan was having sex with Tamar and spilled his seed on the ground, which displeased God, so God put Onan to death.
Azariah: That's the overly simplistic version. The whole story is dripping with sex. Onan had to become Tamar's husband because she was married to his brother when he died. And there was a tradition where a brother will take on a wife and make an heir for his dead brother.
Daniel: Essentially Onan was supposed to spooj in his dead brother's wife to produce a child for that strange biblical reason wasn't going to be considered his, and he didn't do that. He denied his dead brother and heir and he cut off the family lineage. And that was Onan's offense in denying his brother a heritage.
Azariah: So here's the full couple, couple of [00:20:00] verses. If you need to bring it up at the new year's party. Genesis, which you know, why not Genesis 38, 8 through 10- Judah said to Onan, go into your brother's wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her. Raise up offspring for your brother. But since Onan knew that the offspring would not be his, he spilled his semen on the ground whenever he went into his brother's wife, so that he would not give offspring to his brother. What he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord and he put him to death also.
So, of course, if you listen to the rest of the episode title, Tamar's bad news, you'll hear how Tamar's father-in-law Judah thought she was a prostitute and parted her red sea and got her pregnant with his own baby.
Daniel: What happened? I guess you'll have to just listen to the episode to find out that's right. [00:21:00] Tamar's a bad bitch, but let me tell you it's freaking nasty in the best way.
Azariah: Yeah. Point beating. I mean, point being, use masturbation to figure out what you like. So if or when you are with another sexual partner, you can communicate what you like.
Daniel: Yes. Azariah you're great at communicating. You're a master debater.
now, I knew somebody's partner suggested they masturbate in front of each other so they could learn how each other self stimulated. And then when they had sex together, they could use what they learned to rub or suck or whatever, in a way that they knew was working for their partner. That's just sexual health.
Azariah: Yes. That's, that's a great way to learn each other. Um, and to how to please each other. We, we often do to our partner, what we like instead of what our partner likes. And if you can get over the idea of being watched, which some people love, hello, Jerry Falwell, Jr. You can actually teach your partner a lot about you.[00:22:00]
Daniel: And that's incredibly intimate. It's like exploring yourself, but now showing and teaching someone else.
Azariah: Yes, Ethan, are we, are we making you feel better? Listeners? Are we making you feel better? How do you feel?
Daniel: It's a little tricky not to be slut shamers and also not be sex pushers.
Azariah: Hey, there's no shame in pushing.
Daniel: But feeling guilty about enjoying yourself? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
Azariah: Yes. You should love that god created you with all of these curves and nerves and swerves and soft parts and hard parts and nooks and crannies.
Daniel: And grannys . You should love that god made you tingle and moan and rive. You should rejoice and give thanks to God, your creator, Redeemer and sanctifier when you orgasm.
Azariah: All right, Danny. Are you ready? Are you ready?
Daniel: Not really.
Azariah: Oh, we're gonna have our own new year's countdown right now. \\
we're gonna count down though. Are you ready? Yeah, 10, 9...[00:23:00]
Daniel: I can't do this. Listen, Ethan, almost everybody slams the laptop shut in disgust when they're finished. I just wanna let you know. Like that is a common feeling. Like I think there's memes about it. People talk about it, but almost everyone is grossed out by what they find pleasurable once they're done.
Azariah: But also I think you have to think of it from like, like scientifically, like when we are doing our thing. And we're high on those endorphins or, you know, whatever it may be. We're, we're, we're kind of, it's like kind of a drug in our brain and all of a sudden release you. Right. I, I don't know what the terms are. I don't know what...
Daniel: isn't there like dopamine serotonin release when you release?
Azariah: Of course there is. there has to be because it's, it's euphoric. Um, if you're doing it right, um. But I think once, once you, you know, you have your release, you have that crash. And so you just have to give yourself that room of grace, Ethan, knowing that, you know what my body's crashing right now from this dopamine high.
Daniel: I think that's why they call [00:24:00] a come down.
Azariah: It's like, you know, it's also called a release, you know? And so you you're going, you're going just naturally. You're just gonna feel a little bit pensive afterwards.
Daniel: Basically it's release, replenish, wash, rinse, and repeat.
Daniel: Enjoy yourself, Ethan and the body that God gave you.
Azariah: Yes, honey.
Daniel: Um, thank you. Listen, you guys for our tithe love offering charity act of good this week.
Azariah: This is a perfect way to celebrate the new year. Learn more about your body. Spend quiet time, you know, spend a quiet night at home alone or with a trusted loved one, or just care for yourself. Touch yourself all over. Look into the Tom of Finland for foundation. They're great for a queer erotic, you know, uh, expression. So do some research. Find a great video.
Daniel: Just Google words that make you feel tingling.
Azariah: Ooh. Yes.
Daniel: This is not just about orgasming. It's not about your genitals. Although both of those things are great. Test areas that don't get much love to some beautiful love, you know, so one of the most sensitive, [00:25:00] uh, parts on a person's body is behind the knee. Some people didn't even realize this. You have to explore yourself and you're not gonna know unless you try it.
Azariah: Here's a little tidbit for those listening. Um, if you are pleasuring your partner who has a penis, uh, you should like, when they're about to climax, cup their balls, grab the back of their leg.... and it's supposed to like. Like the way that like your veins are or something it's supposed to do some sort of release. I'm just speaking from personal experience. It's great.
Let's pray, shall we? We should get on our knees and pray.
Daniel: Let's everyone pray unless you're driving. Don't get on your knees if you're driving. Um, God, we want to give thanks to you for our bodies. Lord, we want to thank you for the pleasure of our bodies, that, that they bring ourselves into one another. We wanna remove guilt and shame associated with bodies that you created and know so well. Help us to explore yourselves as your beautiful creation and learn more about this body that you gave us. God, we ask that you help Ethan [00:26:00] understand the source of his aversion to sex as a guilt. Is it church shame? Is it a calling to celibacy? Is it something else that you haven't set before him? Let him discern the answer for himself. For the queer children of missionaries. Lord, we'd also like to pray that are caught between cultures. We ask that you give them strength and safety, to give them a place, to share their voice and meet others, and also help them learn more about what it means to be part of this community that we have here together in your name, god. And God, we pray for plants that clean our air and provide oxygen. We thank you God. Make them resilient. Make them make us good caregivers for them and all of the life around us. God, we pray for loving and accepting parents. We lift them up to you. They are our soldiers. Please let them dance with their children with pure joy. And we thank you for the gift of Rachel Kurtz and her music. And for the song that she's working on, we ask that you bless people and inspire them to contribute to that amazing project. And Lord, we wanna thank [00:27:00] you for this new year, this beautiful new year we're blessings for everyone to come in the Yass Jesus family in your holy precious name, amen. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Yass Jesus. You can find us on social media @yassjesuspod or on our website yassjesuspod.com. If you like the show, please consider becoming a monthly sponsor. You can find the link to to do so in our show notes. And if you haven't yet, just leave us your review, share us with a friend. Doing so helps us reach new people and keep the show running.
Azariah: You can now leave an audio prayer request or praise report on our website, yassjesuspod.com. We would love to share your voice and your prayers on the show. So drop us a line or send us recording on yassjesuspod.com.
Daniel: Send us your praise reports, your prayer request, episode ideas, guest ideas, or even just a happy new year, sexy. We'd love to hear from you. Yass Jesus is hosted by me, Danny Franzese and.
Azariah: The red handed Azariah Southworth. Music, sound editing, and all things audio are done by Chris Heckman. Our show is produced by the freaking deacon [00:28:00] Ross Murray and Meredith Paulley. Special thanks to Sophie Sorano and Sam Isfan.
Daniel: Yass jesus is brought to you by Audity. Audity execs are Ryann Lauckner, Jessica Bustillos and Steve Michaels. We are streaming and screaming on apple podcast and Spotify and everywhere else you get your podcast throughout this whole new year.
Azariah: And remember, no matter what God loves you just as you are.
Daniel: Keep praise the Lord, y'all. Happy new year.